Where did the year go

My blogging has become so sporadic that sometimes I wonder if anyone follows this blog anymore or if my story impacts anyone's life at all. That's quite alright because writing is a creative outlet for me and not my whole life. It allows me to take an inventory of what is going on in my life and gives me the ability to sit back and figure out what I'm doing wrong or right. There is some comfort in knowing that. That said, I wish I could blog more often but if you follow me on instagram or are my friend on facebook, you'd know we have a new addition to our family tree. It gives me much joy and I am grateful to God for all His provision. That'll have to be a whole other blog post for another day.

So I am pondering over going back to work and putting my kids in daycare. Has anyone struggled with this? It kind of breaks my heart a little :-( I need more grace! Parenting a high needs toddler and a newborn is no joke. I have also felt a little stagnant in my relationship with God lately. Moving and all these changes have made it difficult to commit to a church. I love the African church family I have visited here in MN so far but I also yearn for something more. NOT something similar to my church experience in Michigan per se, but a deeper understanding and fellowshipping with other believers would be amazing. Torn!

Anyways, I hope everyone's year is going great. I celebrated another birthday and hopefully I am wiser :-) God Bless!

Marital conundrum

Today's blog is by a young brilliant person I have the privilege of calling friend/sister. Now before any of you start getting any ideas in your head about marriage, I pray that you read this subjectively. Remember it is another person's thoughts and opinions and may not be relevant to your personal experience. 

 WHY SHOULD I STAY MARRIED? by Elsie A.

Last week, I had a rather interesting conversation with one of my aunts in Ghana. As usual, she called to say how proud she was of me and also ask me that dreaded question; 'When are we meeting our in-law'? On this occasion however, I told her the truth. 'Auntie, please I really don't know' and would you guess? There was more that followed. 'Ad3n)why, you want to be by yourself for the rest of your life, you have degrees and so what'? On and on she went. In hindsight, I should have told her exactly how I felt.  And thought; that although the idea of marriage sounded well and good, I still feared heartbreak and divorce. Yes, divorce! The topic that was once the elephant in the room but now the fly on the wall! But of course  a sincere response to those sort of questions would infuriate her all the more. So I ended the conversation by promising that I'd 'pray about it more often'.

  Don't get me wrong. As a young christian woman in my late twenties, the pressure to get married is everywhere. On television, images are painted of 'the perfect couple' who seem to be perpetually in love with each other. They never row, never argue. Instead  they spend hours making love and having breakfasts in bed. Seriously? I don't think that is how real life marriages work. Maybe sometimes but not all the time. On radio, you hear songs about 'we belong together' and this and that and it makes one wonder whether being sinlge is part of this thing called normalcy. And least I forget....each time I go to a restaurant, they ask me if I'm there with someone although my sole purpose is to grab a bite and go home, or how about holidays? They are offered with two people in mind. I do sincerely accept what God says in Genesis 2:18. It is surely not good for man to be alone. It is psychologically not healthy, and spiritually, one needs to be covered by another. However, with rising rates of divorces, do you really blame those who shy away from discussing marriage and its importance? No. Afterall statistics have revealed that half of all marriages end in divorce and as if it it's not bad enough, sixty percent of all second marriages call it quits before the seventh year barrier.There are those who believe that the ease at with which one can now obtain a divorce decree has consequently paved the way for the escalating divorce rates. Really? If that's the case, then surely the likes of Kim Kardashian and Evelyn Lozada could be portrayed as the perfect poster children of the demise of the godly institution called marriage. However, most of us now realize that it is not simply an issue of the 'worldly' folk but even of those of us who believe and cry on the name of the Most High!

One of my favorite pastors once informed me that I lacked faith when it came to the subject of marriage. Eighteen months ago, he and his wife of eighteen years called it quits citing 'irreconcilable differences' as the reason. A few days ago too, I read on the internet a story about one of my favorite gospel musicians who had divorced his wife of over 15 years. Reading that story was painful and heart-wrenching. In fact  it opened the can of worms that is my parents' marriage; of how two incredibly powerful and gifted individuals who achieved so much together could decide that whatever was going on in their lives was enough for them to sever the bond they shared. That is not to say that all divorces are made with wrong intentions bearing in mind the reasons for which people decide to do so. There are many and varied reasons for divorce ie financial problems, sexual issues, communication difficulties, issues to do with abuse, underlying spiritual issues and differences in goals. However, a particular line stood out in this person's public statement which was this; 'If I was that powerful of a man of God,  I would still be married.....it is possible to work so hard and be so driven that you lose everything'! Basically what he purported from that statement was that had he been a powerful man of God, his marriage would have still been intact. And this my friends, is the place I beg to differ in opinion.

As someone who has never been married before, I can never claim to know what exactly happens in a marriage. However, as a child of God and post-modern woman, I realise that statements like that are deeply flawed. Firstly, marriage is God ordained. It is a covenant and as with ALL covenants, there are ramifications should one part decide to sever the bond. If for any reason a divorce occurs, whether because it became necessary for someone to achieve wholeness or to escape something, there are still going to be ramifications( see Mark 10:9 and 1 Corin 7:10). Secondly, marriage is sacred. All that goes on in one's marital bed and home should be kept  sacred! The idea of airing one's dirty laundry in public should be looked upon with disapproval and disdain. If things are so bad between you and your spouse, discuss it between the two of you but if of course it doesn't get resolved seek godly counsel from trusted, sagacious friends. However, this is the part that I want to probe further; the issue of balance. Balance, balance, balance! Christians and non-Christians, please please hear me out!

There is no point of you giving your all to your ministry, career or whatsoever if your number one ministry, which is your family is being neglected. If you disagree with me, look all around you! Ask the Paula Whites, Juanita Bynums, Fred Hammonds, Hezekiah Walkers and Duncan Williams of our day. There is no way you can substitute your marriage and family with your so called ministry or 'godly' pursuits and expect God to bless you always. It just doesn't happen! The Bible compares the earthly marriage to that of Christ and His Bride, the Church ( see Ephesians 5:22-29). If that is the case, do we really have ministers or godly husbands out there who truly love their wives the way Christ loves His church? Hmm. There are those ministers who have their congregations scattered and they wonder what happened. They forget that their priority after God (see Matt 6:33)  was to ensure that thier marriages and families were being watered daily (see 1 Tim 3:5, 5:8). There's no point trying to be a blessing to be everyone else whilst your own wife and children stay at home bleeding and dying inside because you are absent in their lives!

 As a young girl growing up, I watched one of the most amazing men I have ever known in my life, my dad; win and lose big time. I saw him win each time he made my mother and us his children a priority. People often comment on the fact that pastors' kids are bad and unruly but that is not always the case. They are just people inwardly 'bleeding' and 'dying' due to a lack of attention. I vowed to never get married to a minister or anyone who called himself 'a man of God'. That was over a decade ago. Since that time, I've been involved with a 'man of God' and realised that although I had deep affection for him, he had worse issues to deal with than I probably had, lol. Yet in the eyes of everyone else, he was 'such a great man of God'. These days, the prayer I often mutter is one for wholeness and healing. A large number of people in the Body of Christ are inwardly dying. We call ourselves christians yet we have no fruits to show forth. We have been confused with all manner of doctrines....we really need to go back to basics and feed on the WORD who is Jesus Christ Himself. Once you have tasted the bread of life, trust me, it will be hard for you to be blown away by any doctrine just like that. You will be able to rightly divide the word of truth and apply it to every facet of your daily life. When the storms of life arise, you will be able to command that storm to leave. If of course, divorce occurs, God himself will give you the strength to go through it. God hates divorce (see Malachi 2:16) but He loves each and everyone of His children and that includes the divorced... 

To those of you reading this who do believe in their hearts that God wants you married (some people are not called to this state of living; see Matthew 19:1-12, particularly verse 12 and 1 Corin 7:8_9), sincerely ask God to make you whole and prepare you for whoever you may decide to marry. Remember, God does not choose our spouses for us, He only directs us to the right one by His Holy Spirit. Ask Him to endow you with strength, courage and wisdom to go into marriage knowing that it is a LIFETIME COMMITMENT! And lastly to those who have been 'burned' before, listen; God is a God of second chances. He heals and restores (see Joel 2:25). You can surely love again! And lastly to those who are married, please stay that way. LOL....Honor your vows and honor God. Remember Christ deserves that much from His bride too; the church.

Thankful Thursday!

I am blessed beyond measure. I could sit and list the things that have gone wrong in my life and how depressing that would be but I choose to be thankful for all my blessings. I really have been blessed beyond what I can ask for or think of. I was complaining about getting older the other day and my husband said "just be thankful for another year of being closer to God and for life itself."(so wise huh?)
I am thankful for God's grace which is unmerited
I am thankful for a wise,loving, diligent and hardworking husband
I am thankful for my Kyle whose life has taught me lessons I never imagined I HAD TO LEARN
I am thankful for family and friends who surprise you with acts of kindness
I am thankful for people who encourage you on a daily basis
I am thankful for the seemingly random people whose actions change peoples life entirely

There is so much to be thankful for today and my heart is bursting that Kyle received a good report on His first cardiology appointment! I could do cartwheels right about now! God is good! Take a moment to be thankful today, you're alive and still here!

walking along

He plants His footsteps in the sea and rides upon the storm... Those are lyrics from one of my favorite Methodist Hymns. Sometimes we can not understand God's ways but it all makes sense in the end. I am learning to walk this path without questioning or second guessing because His ways are not my ways. Faith demands that I just believe! I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me because He has said so and all I have to do is believe in His word.

There have been times when I have been still because I know HE is God and really what good will worrying do me? As my Kyle goes in for his next surgery, I am going to be listening to great praise and worship music and join in the celebration believing that He who has begun this good work will bring it to completion.

Back to the basics

I've been reminded again of what my life's focus has been these past few years. Ever heard of the saying "the will of God will never take You where the grace of God will not protect you"? What does it really mean to be in the will of God. We always pray "Your will be done on earth..." but do we ever mean it in that sense?

I think most people are usually hung up on the notion that surely their will is their God's will and ofcourse He wants for them whatever they want. Some of my favorite verses in the Bible include the part where Jesus was praying in the garden of Gethsemane before the betrayal and crucifixion. In Luke 22:42 he asked his father if this intended fate could be taken away from him but the most amazing part is that he prayed "not my will but Yours be done". Aren't you glad he let the father's will be done? Otherwise you and I know that our salvation will for sure not have been complete!

I have been so put off lately by the kind of prosperity preaching and inspirational mantras thrown around by preachers lately. Some of them make it seem like if you go through a difficulty in this life then God has failed you. Seriously! When are we going to return to our manual for life (mine's the Bible) and realize that His grace is sufficient for us and in times of difficulty we can proudly say with conviction "I know it seems like my whole world is crumbling right now, yet Your will be done?" Even if I don't see any positives right now, yet will I praise You because it's in Your will for me to be in this moment, right now.

Just wondering if you have thought about His Will and if you are in His will at all.

Scheduling Conflict?

I thought about you today
As I got up from my bed

All I could think of was you

I wanted to talk

Slowly I pushed myself up

With my right hand

Sat at the edge of the bed for a few minutes

Then I thought to myself:

Did he give me a kiss good morning/good bye?

I kept thinking about you

As I walked to the bathroom

Subconsciously, I whispered "Thank You"

And did the usual " a couple silly faces to make me smile"

I stared back at the image

And wondered why you gave me these features

Walked purposefully to the kitchen...

Then I thought to myself:

Did I eat too much dairy again?

I'm still thinking about you

1,2,3 O'clock come by
Emails checked, replied,

Facebook checked and stalked

Blogspot checked, new followers

Mine, where did the time go

Turned the TV on to while away the time

Then I thought to myself:

Did I call him already?

I thought about you
I know it felt like I was stalling

I could have made the contact there and then
Is it OK if I don't talk to you today?

Would you understand if I pretend that's okay?

Would you always care anyways?

Whether words are spoken or not?

Then I thought to myself:

Does it even matter?

So here I am at the close of today

Still thinking about you

Wishing I could talk to you
Cluttered my world with unnecessary chatter

Confused myself with insignificant banter

When all the while you watched on with a smile
Thinking of me as another day begins