Back to the basics

I've been reminded again of what my life's focus has been these past few years. Ever heard of the saying "the will of God will never take You where the grace of God will not protect you"? What does it really mean to be in the will of God. We always pray "Your will be done on earth..." but do we ever mean it in that sense?

I think most people are usually hung up on the notion that surely their will is their God's will and ofcourse He wants for them whatever they want. Some of my favorite verses in the Bible include the part where Jesus was praying in the garden of Gethsemane before the betrayal and crucifixion. In Luke 22:42 he asked his father if this intended fate could be taken away from him but the most amazing part is that he prayed "not my will but Yours be done". Aren't you glad he let the father's will be done? Otherwise you and I know that our salvation will for sure not have been complete!

I have been so put off lately by the kind of prosperity preaching and inspirational mantras thrown around by preachers lately. Some of them make it seem like if you go through a difficulty in this life then God has failed you. Seriously! When are we going to return to our manual for life (mine's the Bible) and realize that His grace is sufficient for us and in times of difficulty we can proudly say with conviction "I know it seems like my whole world is crumbling right now, yet Your will be done?" Even if I don't see any positives right now, yet will I praise You because it's in Your will for me to be in this moment, right now.

Just wondering if you have thought about His Will and if you are in His will at all.

Slap in the Face

So I said a prayer for you tonight
Through the hurt and the pain and tears
I said a prayer for you
I asked him to keep you safe
To keep what He's given you safe
To enfold  you in His care

It was the only way I could ease my pain

The one way I knew how to deal with it

Without pity but with empathy

Realized I have this habit

Of putting much importance on my value in friendships

I tend to think of my friends as my family
And almost expect them to behave as such
I've made that mistake several times
But I am yet to learn from it
So to me, you're still my sister friend
And I'm asking Him to give me the strength
To be there for you, to be your shoulder to lean on

I'll say another prayer soon
Hoping that He's watching over you and I
Hanging on to past memories of joy
Obliterating every bitterness from my heart
Do not want to add to your disappointment
Do not want to add to your insecuirty
So I'll keep saying those prayers
Sending warm thoughts and hugs
To you and yours

Frustration

Tried to express myself in the most articulate way possible

No matter how articulate I was, my expressions fell short

I wish you could have heard my heart speak

'Cos when my mouth tried to form the words, they fell short

Alas, my words failed me.

They say out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks

My heart is full of many beautiful words

But this mouth does not always convey the right message

And my words come out in spurts

It's only a semblance of the image I would like to paint

Only a shadow of what my heart projects...

Copyright ©2009 Maxine Mosley Totoe

NATURAL HIGH- HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

Sometimes hope is fleeting,
Or is it always...

There are days when I am happy as a clown and there are days when I am not so happy. Actually, just downright depressed! It doesn't happen often though because I believe your reaction to any situation is in your hands. You can choose to be happy or not.

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine asked me "what do you do when your faith is shaken by something you don't have an answer to? That got me thinking for a long minute and then I responded "you keep trusting because He does not owe you anything yet he still takes care of you". Now you can call my religious bluff or whatever but I actually do believe that. It makes me think about how big the world is and how I must seem like a speck of dust yet my Bible tells me that "He knows the number of hairs on my head". That even "before I was formed, He knew me". Very lofty thoughts for me indeed.

One of my favorite books in the Bible is Job! Yes, Job! here is the link if you want to read it. I know many people who just find that book really boring and a tedious task to read. I just decided one day to read the whole book of Job and I was just blown away! I haven't seen a character so steadfast who has come against so many obstacles in his life! And in all of it his response is " Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Who in their right mind when they are going through a hardship stops to think about the good times? Seriously! Often times we just wallow in that depression and sink deeper into the abyss of hopelessness with no view of a brighter day.

It is not always great to be down in the funks you know. I just have to keep reminding myself that when I look by sight, I see the problems just overwhelming and overtaking me but when I look by faith, I see the One who created me and knew me from the beginning, standing by my side. At times I may not feel His presence because all I can concentrate on is the world but it does not eliminate the fact that He is there with me.

Obsessed...

Love, Lust and everything in between...

Natasha Beddingfield's song "Angel" has these lyrics
"Tell me why there's so many good
Men in the world misunderstood
He's a dog, he's no good...
I wish somebody would
Disrespect my man
You're gonna have to come see me
I go hard for my baby
He's all that I need

So if you got a good one
Put your hands up,
Come on girl and stand up
Go ahead lift your man up"

You can listen to it in the playlist to the left if you so please.
It's the one labeled "Angel".
hmmm...I thought that was really interesting. Here is a woman who is fighting for her man! That doesn't happen quite often does it? We(or at least I) hear it the other way round. I often hear it said too that if someone or something belongs to you, let go of them and if they comes back to you, that means it was meant to be. The thing is I have always had a problem with this axiom though.

I don't usually like thrillers but I really wanted to see the movie "OBSESSED" with Ali Larter,Beyonce Knowles,Idris Elba.Now I know this is not an Academy Award winning story line or acting so pardon me if you think it is a ridiculous movie. That is not my point. You can take a look at the trailer... it seems a little too predictable I guess.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

I am still deciding if I want to see this movie. If and when I do, I will let you know but if you have seen it and you really think it is not worth my money or my time, let me know too! Awuramma, when are we going to see it?

There I go getting sidetracked as usual. Sometimes, I get tired of the man-bashing and man-hating. I believe no one can treat you unfairly without your permission so in other words, you will only be treated the way you want to be treated if you allow people to treat you that way. Why do some folk make it their hobby to bring discord in other people's relationship? Why do we allow ourselves to fall into the trap of so called "innocent flirtation and playful attraction" even when we are in relationships. I get very agitated when people claim "it just happened". Before any decision is made concerning human emotions, don't we usually give it a careful thought even if it is fleeting?

Sometimes, I guess we pretend that engaging in such frivolous encounters is really harmless and could never hurt anyone. But I guess after you have been in a relationship for a while and without the true understanding of what it means to love, the rush of a new possibility always brings a thrill. How deep is your commitment? So really, what is innocent flirtation? How far do you take it without hurting other people? Remember, it is quite easy to fall in love with people. There are so many beautiful people in this world. To LOVE, however, changes it all up! The commitment that comes with loving that one person needs some careful consideration...

I'm still thinking...

hairacy

After my wedding, I had an idea to not put any chemicals in my hair anymore. While in Ghana, I had been pressured into over processing my hair with the lye until it was bone straight...grrr...Big mistake 'cos my hair started breaking after that! It was not falling out in clumps or anything of that sort. My hair was still quite healthy but after January of 2008 I stopped putting a perm in my hair! When I made the decision to go natural, I had not had any epiphany or mountain top experience to get in touch with my roots(no pun intended). I just wanted to do it.

In the summer, I opted for a shorter crop and chopped most of my hair off. By October, I had quite a bit of nappy growth(the word nappy does not offend me at all but I do realize it may be offensive to some people) so the day before my birthday, I cut off whatever straight hair that was left until I was almost bald! All this while, I was terrified! I had not had short nappy hair since the year 2000! Back in high school when I had nappy hair, it was really tight curls and not quite as nappy as I have it now. Back then my hair was mostly a 4A and very little 4B. Now however, after years of putting chemicals in, my texture is mostly 4B with the very back being slightly curlier than coily:)

I quite remember the first time I wore my hair in a twist out!I thought I would just die. I had no idea how dependent I had become on my hair and the length, texture or style of it. I didn't like feeling different. See, with my straight relaxed hair, it was easier to blend in. I didn't want anyone to think I was the poster child for the "Afrocentric movement"! No! I chose to go natural so why was I feeling this way. The day after, I went and put my hair in braids!



One time as I was reading, I wondered out loud why every other person in or race in this world seem to wear their hair the way they were born with except for people of African descent. I do understand that during the time of slavery, a countless number of evil was done against black women because of their hair.(That's an entry for another day) I do understand the reason why some do not ever want to be associated with "nappy" hair based on that history.

Growing up, I did not have any relaxer in my hair until I was in 5th or 6th grade. I remember my mama used to wear her hair in an afro for quite a while until she got a relaxer at some point. It doesn't bother me at all to see people with relaxed hair, by the way:)I just don't think anyone has the right to tell another person with natural hair to put a relaxer in just because they don't think nappy hair is acceptable.

Just this past weekend, I emailed a couple of my friends and my sisters some pictures of my hair journey and frankly, I received some really positive feedback. Not that any of the feedback would have changed my mind. My friend R. told me that wearing natural hairstyles at her workplace was a taboo! Really? I was so shocked that in Ghana, an African country, anyone would have the audacity to say you can not wear your hair the way God made it. I was furious but really what can I do about such a rule. I do not own the company!

For me, this experience has become almost spiritual! and I say that with much caution. I put a picture on facebook with my natural hairdo which I enjoyed for quite a few days. In my subconscious I am wondering if I played with it too much on purpose just so I could have an excuse to go and put braids in.(because they started coming undone after touching it like a millions times!)Anyways back to the spiritual experience. I was laying in bed and all of a sudden I could not sleep anymore 'cos I was freaking out again about the fact that I was not more accepting of my hair and how I looked with it. If God did not think it was good, why did he give me hair like that?

I felt like I was being ungrateful and this could apply to many aspects of our lives. For me, my hair journey has become an exercise of confidence in who God made me to be. It has become a journey of self acceptance and discovery. I am not there yet. I still struggle sometimes with how to treat my hair since I never really learned how to but I will get there eventually. I am watching what I put in this body given to me by my maker. I want to be a good steward without being obsessive about the creation.I do not want the focus or the praise...all I want to do is be a representation of His glory!

My 26

1. I really enjoy nature…Rainbows, sunshine, changing leaves, beautiful sunsets all make me really emotional.
2. I am very much in love with my husband and I still get butterflies when he kisses me.
3. I miss my family like crazy and sometimes I wonder if we have missed out on growing up together
4. I am very proud of my sisters and love them all very much
5. My mum is an amazing woman who has made a lot of sacrifices in her life for her family
6. My family has never been rich or remotely well off. We have always lived moderately but we all love to look good!
7. My life is a story of God’s grace and abundant love and faithfulness
8. I think about God a lot and my thoughts are usually about God and how I can affect His kingdom
9. I am an extrovert once you get to know me but I can come off a little standoffish and uninteresting when you don’t know me.
10. I love food and I love cooking. My husband is a lucky man!
11. I miss working at the hospital and talking to my patients about their lives
12. I tend to have a little bit of a social anxiety at times. Sometimes, I don’t feel confident at all especially in social situations
13. I have few friends or people I call on a regular basis outside of my family
14. I consider my sisters my very best friends. I never really had a “best friend” before except for Janetta who has always been there for me :)
15. I love singing and worship music is my favorite.
16. I can not stand it when people try too hard to be something they are not.
17. I have never had Mac’N’Cheese
18. Sometimes I don’t know what I am doing in America
19. My dad is one of my favorite persons ever
20. I enjoy my devotions with my hubby
21. It makes me very happy to know that my parents are proud of me even though my accomplishments are not of epic proportions
22. It irks me when people look down on Africans or other ethnic minorities
23. Kind words and even innocent compliments from strangers bring tears to my eyes.
24. I Like shoes…a lot
25. I get a warm fuzzy feeling when someone tells me they are praying for me. It is one of my favorite things ever!
26. I love volunteering. It keeps me humble and grateful