There's more hope for the HOPE-LESS?

We had a the Partners World Wide meeting this morning and I was reminded if the book " Against All Hope: Hope for Africa. I wrote this post back in May of last year when I hang out at Thomas' job site. I was going to start reading " The Paris Option" by Robert Ludlum but I sat at the desk and saw a book titled " Against all hope: Hope for Africa by Darrow L. Miller and Scott Allen. I usually try to steer clear of such books because it is usually written by folks who have not really experienced Africa in the the sense that its inhabitants have experienced it. Such people can always go and conduct their researches in Africa and decide to leave when they are done or running out of funding. The people in the motherland however, continue to live and make ends meet no matter what. That alone I think should speak to the will power to live and survive against the odds. I have not read the booklet into detail yet but one statement that caught my eye on page 32 was "Resources do not come from the ground but from the innovation of the human mind." That's quite an interesting statement that kept resonating in my mind as I kept reading the book.

There were so many things to be said in response to the authors views and it made me wonder if they were right and I was wrong. I have always been aware of the kind of hopelessness that is evident when you speak to most Africans or Ghanaians to be more specific. According to the authors of the book, our main problem or the root of all our struggles is the fact that our worldview is wrong. The statement they made was that "The root of the problem is inside the minds of the people of the continent." Is this really true? If it is, then what has shaped our worldview? Where did we go wrong/ How did we end up with a fatalist/ spiritist worldview which is deeply rooted in the Animistic culture? As a christian, I have always believed that when you take God out of the equation, then things start going downhill because this has been very true of my life. Is the worldview of the average African really fatalistic and spiritist?

Aren't Asian nations like China and Singapore mainly of a different worldview other than Christian or Godly? Why are they not poorer than Africa? I think I need to have a chat with my father about this issue because my little mind is overwhelmed by the questions. How can we rise out of the dark black hole that we have been portrayed to be in? How can we get our corrupt leaders to realize that the good of the community supersedes that of individual interests?Can anybody give me any answers?

So many people start with good intentions but somehow things usually seem to not end so great. Why are we so pessimistic and so distrustful of each other when it comes to success? Why do we have the PHD(Pull Him/Her Down) syndrome when it comes to success. It seems almost as if some of our people enjoy seeing other people's down fall even if they are family. Man, the effects of colonialism can not be downplayed but we were bullying each other and looking down on other tribes before they came to colonize us. Or? I suppose as long as one person esteems himself higher than another, this will remain a problem. Why is this so in a country where the majority of people profess to be Christian? Aren't we in humility supposed to consider others better than ourselves? But alas, we are only human and we are as fallen as can be and in need of redemption(Yes, I went to Calvin College thus the creation, fall redemption view).

I do not have many answers to my questions yet. I am very excited to think about the possibility of helping to make people's life better without expecting anything in return. In doing so, I need to be more careful about my expectations and the rate at which human empowerment will happen. I guess part of the problem is that we have been given the fish so many times without being taught how to fish so even if we were given the tools to fish, our lazy behinds tend to think about how easy it will be if only someone will do all that work and catch the fish for us. Lord we need to be reminded constantly of your GRACE and how sufficient it is for us.

Daddy

For as long as I can remember, he has been my biggest fan. He has always believed in me and sometimes, it made me feel like I was superhuman. My dad is like no other dad. He is the one who taught me to be proactive and not reactive to situations in my life. He teased me mercilessly when I fell in love with my husband and made me feel quite comfortable about introducing my future husband to him. He never intimidated any of my guy friends but always offered advice and light conversation to put people at ease. I love my dad with all my heart!



When I started college, he worked like crazy to make sure my bills were paid and told everyone(including those who knew me and those who did not) how proud he was of my accomplishments. He sure is my biggest fan! Even though my dad is a pastor and a spiritual leader, he has always led his life in a very practical way and does not separate his spiritual life from his everyday life. They are one and the same. This has taught me not just to be a Christian on Sundays but every day of the week. Thank you daddy. I hope you will live really long for my kids to meet you one day and see you with the same adoring eyes as I see you! I love you!

survey

1.My home… is wherever my heart is glad
2. I am listening to... the hum of my laptop, the sound of birds chirping and cars going by on the road
3. Maybe I should... get up to get breakfast and take a shower
4. I love... being married to Totoe and seeing the silly side of him that no one sees!
5. My best friend... is Tomeister!
6. My ex and I... what ex?
7. I don't understand... God's plans many times.
8. I lost... molar and my voice too! Sob, sob
9. People say... a lot of things they probably don’t understand themselves
10. My past... is forgiven and I am glad to have some of the wonderful memories from it
11. Love is... so amazingly awesome!
12. Right now, somewhere, someone is... pondering over the meaning of life
13. I always... pray God’s grace will guide me to make the right decisions.
14. Once upon a time, I... was not so forgiving and considerate :(
15. Now, I... understand the grace of God which forgave me while I was still clueless of my shortcomings and it enables me to extend the same grace to others.
16. I never want to... hurt anyone on purpose
17. My personal motto is... do your very best all the time and you will have no regrets!
18. When I wake up in the morning... I usually thank God for bringing me to another wonderful day!
19. I get annoyed when... when people act all “high and mighty” when they really are not so smart
20. People always... have room to grow
21. I sing... because, I’m happy and I have a song in my heart!
22. Today I will... go to the ENT to figure out what is going on with my voice, plan a trip to Walmart, F21, Hair braiding place and do some cooking!
23. Tomorrow I will... be glad to know what is up with my voice
24. I really want... to get my green card sorted out and possibly stay in Michigan and not move to another State for my job.
25. People would say that I... I have no idea!...maybe I love laughing?
26. Life is full of... endless possibilities and change.
27. Dogs... freak me out. don't know why but they just do
28. Cats... are arrogant creatures!
29. I hate... hateful behavior
30. If I had a million dollars... I would make sure my family’s financial issues were taken care of, give to my church, give to support and educate people in Ghana and buy my hubby his dream car :(
31. I hope... I can impact as many people as possible and leave a legacy in my lifetime.
32. I'm totally terrified... of animals especially snakes! sick disgusting creatures! arrrggghhh

aches,pains and ...grrr

So I had a root canal done a few years ago(back in 2006) and I got the same spot infected again! Yikes! I was scheduled for a second root canal last Wednesday but after the endodontist drilled around for a little bit, he realised that it was not worth it to try and save the tooth so off I went to my regular dentist for an extraction! Can I hear ouch! Man, I hate dental work but you can not live without it. If you don't want to end up with Septicemia(bacteria in your blood system) or endocarditis(inflammation of the inner layer of the heart), you need to take care of them. I can not help but keep looking at a persons mouth and the content when talking to them. Sometimes, I feel like you can tell a persons character just by looking in their mouth!...lol...

Anyways, so here I am, on my way to buying a Bentley in my mouth! Dental work is quite expensive and insurance companies are so finicky about it too! So the tooth is out and I am waiting for the site to heal then I have an evaluation for an implant in that spot. I fell like it is going to take a lifetime to sort out all that needs to be done but I'll get there and an amazing smile will be my reward!

It has come to my attention that quite a few people suffer from halitosis. People, you have to floss and brush your teeth at least twice a day ooo. The bacteria in your mouth do not go on break after you eat your fufu and banku. They are hard at work trying to form that plague and please, the back of that tonque is not to be neglected!...That's the worst spot for bacteria to hide! Before you get in someones face and try to be all chummy and friendly, read their body language to see if they are trying to escape your breath! That's a cue to go home and floss and brush your teeth!

That's all folks...for my lesson on mouth hygiene!

Obsessed...

Love, Lust and everything in between...

Natasha Beddingfield's song "Angel" has these lyrics
"Tell me why there's so many good
Men in the world misunderstood
He's a dog, he's no good...
I wish somebody would
Disrespect my man
You're gonna have to come see me
I go hard for my baby
He's all that I need

So if you got a good one
Put your hands up,
Come on girl and stand up
Go ahead lift your man up"

You can listen to it in the playlist to the left if you so please.
It's the one labeled "Angel".
hmmm...I thought that was really interesting. Here is a woman who is fighting for her man! That doesn't happen quite often does it? We(or at least I) hear it the other way round. I often hear it said too that if someone or something belongs to you, let go of them and if they comes back to you, that means it was meant to be. The thing is I have always had a problem with this axiom though.

I don't usually like thrillers but I really wanted to see the movie "OBSESSED" with Ali Larter,Beyonce Knowles,Idris Elba.Now I know this is not an Academy Award winning story line or acting so pardon me if you think it is a ridiculous movie. That is not my point. You can take a look at the trailer... it seems a little too predictable I guess.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

I am still deciding if I want to see this movie. If and when I do, I will let you know but if you have seen it and you really think it is not worth my money or my time, let me know too! Awuramma, when are we going to see it?

There I go getting sidetracked as usual. Sometimes, I get tired of the man-bashing and man-hating. I believe no one can treat you unfairly without your permission so in other words, you will only be treated the way you want to be treated if you allow people to treat you that way. Why do some folk make it their hobby to bring discord in other people's relationship? Why do we allow ourselves to fall into the trap of so called "innocent flirtation and playful attraction" even when we are in relationships. I get very agitated when people claim "it just happened". Before any decision is made concerning human emotions, don't we usually give it a careful thought even if it is fleeting?

Sometimes, I guess we pretend that engaging in such frivolous encounters is really harmless and could never hurt anyone. But I guess after you have been in a relationship for a while and without the true understanding of what it means to love, the rush of a new possibility always brings a thrill. How deep is your commitment? So really, what is innocent flirtation? How far do you take it without hurting other people? Remember, it is quite easy to fall in love with people. There are so many beautiful people in this world. To LOVE, however, changes it all up! The commitment that comes with loving that one person needs some careful consideration...

I'm still thinking...

hairacy

After my wedding, I had an idea to not put any chemicals in my hair anymore. While in Ghana, I had been pressured into over processing my hair with the lye until it was bone straight...grrr...Big mistake 'cos my hair started breaking after that! It was not falling out in clumps or anything of that sort. My hair was still quite healthy but after January of 2008 I stopped putting a perm in my hair! When I made the decision to go natural, I had not had any epiphany or mountain top experience to get in touch with my roots(no pun intended). I just wanted to do it.

In the summer, I opted for a shorter crop and chopped most of my hair off. By October, I had quite a bit of nappy growth(the word nappy does not offend me at all but I do realize it may be offensive to some people) so the day before my birthday, I cut off whatever straight hair that was left until I was almost bald! All this while, I was terrified! I had not had short nappy hair since the year 2000! Back in high school when I had nappy hair, it was really tight curls and not quite as nappy as I have it now. Back then my hair was mostly a 4A and very little 4B. Now however, after years of putting chemicals in, my texture is mostly 4B with the very back being slightly curlier than coily:)

I quite remember the first time I wore my hair in a twist out!I thought I would just die. I had no idea how dependent I had become on my hair and the length, texture or style of it. I didn't like feeling different. See, with my straight relaxed hair, it was easier to blend in. I didn't want anyone to think I was the poster child for the "Afrocentric movement"! No! I chose to go natural so why was I feeling this way. The day after, I went and put my hair in braids!



One time as I was reading, I wondered out loud why every other person in or race in this world seem to wear their hair the way they were born with except for people of African descent. I do understand that during the time of slavery, a countless number of evil was done against black women because of their hair.(That's an entry for another day) I do understand the reason why some do not ever want to be associated with "nappy" hair based on that history.

Growing up, I did not have any relaxer in my hair until I was in 5th or 6th grade. I remember my mama used to wear her hair in an afro for quite a while until she got a relaxer at some point. It doesn't bother me at all to see people with relaxed hair, by the way:)I just don't think anyone has the right to tell another person with natural hair to put a relaxer in just because they don't think nappy hair is acceptable.

Just this past weekend, I emailed a couple of my friends and my sisters some pictures of my hair journey and frankly, I received some really positive feedback. Not that any of the feedback would have changed my mind. My friend R. told me that wearing natural hairstyles at her workplace was a taboo! Really? I was so shocked that in Ghana, an African country, anyone would have the audacity to say you can not wear your hair the way God made it. I was furious but really what can I do about such a rule. I do not own the company!

For me, this experience has become almost spiritual! and I say that with much caution. I put a picture on facebook with my natural hairdo which I enjoyed for quite a few days. In my subconscious I am wondering if I played with it too much on purpose just so I could have an excuse to go and put braids in.(because they started coming undone after touching it like a millions times!)Anyways back to the spiritual experience. I was laying in bed and all of a sudden I could not sleep anymore 'cos I was freaking out again about the fact that I was not more accepting of my hair and how I looked with it. If God did not think it was good, why did he give me hair like that?

I felt like I was being ungrateful and this could apply to many aspects of our lives. For me, my hair journey has become an exercise of confidence in who God made me to be. It has become a journey of self acceptance and discovery. I am not there yet. I still struggle sometimes with how to treat my hair since I never really learned how to but I will get there eventually. I am watching what I put in this body given to me by my maker. I want to be a good steward without being obsessive about the creation.I do not want the focus or the praise...all I want to do is be a representation of His glory!

In Sickness and In Health, Through the good and the bad and the downright ugly!

I am laying in bed just reminicsing on the past year and a half. I feel like the days have gone by so quickly and I wish I could have made more of some of those days. I have no regrets though because it has all been a growing experience. Yesterday, I asked my husband "are you the man I married?" and his response "no I am better than the man you married, I am a grown version". How insightful!

I remember the days following our return from Ghana when I would be so upset because I could not work. Oh and at the time, we still had quite a bit of money so all I wanted to do was satisfy my addiction to shop.(Glad to report that I am on my way to being cured!...hehehe...I have a weakness for shoes)Not working has put my priorities in perspective and made me realize that even though I need to take care of myself and my family, there are lots of people less fortunate than I am and I need to be more thankful and grateful. Someday, I hope I will be able to bless and empower people so much so that my name will be synonymous with blessing!

Ok, I totally went off on a tangent there because this is supposed to be my valentine's day entry! I have thought about all the things that people encounter in their relationships and I have come to the conclusion that when you are saying your marriage vows, you should pay attention to each and every word you speak. They carry a lot of weight and therefore should not be taken lightly. I can say that we are going through part of the "the bad times" because we are living on one income and nobody knows about the nights when all we had was each other to hold on to. There have been times during this economic disaster when we did not know if Thomas would still have a job the next day. During those times we could hardly sleep and would ask each other "are you sleeping" from time to time. However, it is on some of those nights that we realized we were living the words in our vows that were difficult to imagine.

Again, no one knows how he brings me breakfast in bed on the weekends or how he steals glances at me when I am dressing up. Some of my happiest moments are when he would walk behind me so silently and tickle my belly till I can't scream anymore. And even though sometimes I pretend to hate it,I love it with all my heart!

I am not cynical about valentine's day, neither do I think it should be celebrated as if it was a holiday. I think especially for married couples with kids, it is an opportunity to reconnect because of the daily grind. For me it is a day of reflecting on my growth in love or stagnation and doing something about it. The teddy bears,chocolate, flowers, cards, jewelery is all nice but what is left when all that is gone? What will you celebrate if you can not afford all that?

My 26

1. I really enjoy nature…Rainbows, sunshine, changing leaves, beautiful sunsets all make me really emotional.
2. I am very much in love with my husband and I still get butterflies when he kisses me.
3. I miss my family like crazy and sometimes I wonder if we have missed out on growing up together
4. I am very proud of my sisters and love them all very much
5. My mum is an amazing woman who has made a lot of sacrifices in her life for her family
6. My family has never been rich or remotely well off. We have always lived moderately but we all love to look good!
7. My life is a story of God’s grace and abundant love and faithfulness
8. I think about God a lot and my thoughts are usually about God and how I can affect His kingdom
9. I am an extrovert once you get to know me but I can come off a little standoffish and uninteresting when you don’t know me.
10. I love food and I love cooking. My husband is a lucky man!
11. I miss working at the hospital and talking to my patients about their lives
12. I tend to have a little bit of a social anxiety at times. Sometimes, I don’t feel confident at all especially in social situations
13. I have few friends or people I call on a regular basis outside of my family
14. I consider my sisters my very best friends. I never really had a “best friend” before except for Janetta who has always been there for me :)
15. I love singing and worship music is my favorite.
16. I can not stand it when people try too hard to be something they are not.
17. I have never had Mac’N’Cheese
18. Sometimes I don’t know what I am doing in America
19. My dad is one of my favorite persons ever
20. I enjoy my devotions with my hubby
21. It makes me very happy to know that my parents are proud of me even though my accomplishments are not of epic proportions
22. It irks me when people look down on Africans or other ethnic minorities
23. Kind words and even innocent compliments from strangers bring tears to my eyes.
24. I Like shoes…a lot
25. I get a warm fuzzy feeling when someone tells me they are praying for me. It is one of my favorite things ever!
26. I love volunteering. It keeps me humble and grateful

Longest day

Well, here I was thinking I was going to be a better blogger this year and I have not accomplished that so far. Well it is still the beginning of the year yet. I woke up really early this morning.Well early for me since I am unemployed. I had an appointment at my doctor's office for a little infection my body is trying to fight. I was supposed to be there at 8:50am but got there at 9:00am due to an accident on I-96. I also had a hair appointment at 10:00am but I had left the hair extensions at home so I had to drive back home and get those and finally made it to the salon at about 10:30. Man, I hate wasting gas! That means I did not fill my prescription for the antibiotic as I was supposed to.

It took forever for my hair to be done. I do like the people who do my hair. They are funny and it is interesting to hear them speak thir Liberian English. However, I wish they would not talk so loudly sometimes and talk on the phone a lot. At times I seeth a little but don't show it. I also wish they knew how to handle nappy hair better instead of pulling it and combing from the base up. Black people need to learn how to take care of our nappy hair better. Drives me nuts sometimes but they are the only good place I know around here. They are really nice people though!!!...Oh well, can't have it all can you? So after like 6 hours, the hair was still not done.(Mind you, I have super nappy hair and it is very thick)I had to leave for rehearsal so I drove all the way back to Grandville to make it just in time. I grabbed a double cheese burger and a coke on my way. I haven't had a McDonalds in ages! I don't like meat a whole lot(especially beef!)

So anyways, rehearsals was done by 8:45 and I went back to Grand Rapids(Eastern and Burton) to finish getting my hair done. Anyways, long story short, it seemed like such a long day! Even though I spoke to Thomas(my hubby) a lot on the phone, I feel like I hardly saw him today and I missed him a lot. I need to learn to manage my time better and always be ontime or right intime to places because I really do not appreciate when people waste my time. I hope I can get my prescription for the antibiotic filled tomorrow. There is a lot on my mind right now. I guess there always is. I will have to keep my word and blog about them later. Adios! Vivir la buena vida!!!(Bye! Live the good life)

Resolute resolutions

New year's eve always gets me really excited. I don't know what it is about the last day of the year that just puts me in a good mood. Usually, I would get very sad and broody or super excited depending on whether it has been a good year or not. NYE 2008 was not that much different except it I was not in Ghana with my whole family, I did not get the usual hug ad kisses from my folks. We didn't pray accross the year or sing and dance around for the first couple of minutes of the year. I missed my family but I was very happy and content with my hubby.

We finally got around to watching our wedding video which amidst complaints of the cameraman's inexperience, still made us reminicse about how much we enjoyed our wedding day... and then got to doing what married people do!!! We did not really talk about any new years resolutions. I am just so thankful to be alive and to still be in love that I just want to be in the moment. Which brings me to the reason why I wanted to write this entry. I have never really followed any resolutions I've ever made so I stopped making them. What really is the point if no change will made? I guess to an extent, it does provide you with some kind of goal to achieve or does it?

So another new year is here. This time just like last year, I don't have any lengthy list of resolutions.
I am going to be better at being myself,
I am going to form genuine friendships,
I am going to worry less if I can help it,...

The rest is x-rated and intended for my journal. I should probably add pretend to be trying to have a baby. Now that just got a chuckle out of me. I feel like I am so not ready yet. Anyways, each day at a time right. I need to remember to just live in the here and now.
AFEHYIA PA OOO!!!(HAPPY NEW YEAR)