hairacy

After my wedding, I had an idea to not put any chemicals in my hair anymore. While in Ghana, I had been pressured into over processing my hair with the lye until it was bone straight...grrr...Big mistake 'cos my hair started breaking after that! It was not falling out in clumps or anything of that sort. My hair was still quite healthy but after January of 2008 I stopped putting a perm in my hair! When I made the decision to go natural, I had not had any epiphany or mountain top experience to get in touch with my roots(no pun intended). I just wanted to do it.

In the summer, I opted for a shorter crop and chopped most of my hair off. By October, I had quite a bit of nappy growth(the word nappy does not offend me at all but I do realize it may be offensive to some people) so the day before my birthday, I cut off whatever straight hair that was left until I was almost bald! All this while, I was terrified! I had not had short nappy hair since the year 2000! Back in high school when I had nappy hair, it was really tight curls and not quite as nappy as I have it now. Back then my hair was mostly a 4A and very little 4B. Now however, after years of putting chemicals in, my texture is mostly 4B with the very back being slightly curlier than coily:)

I quite remember the first time I wore my hair in a twist out!I thought I would just die. I had no idea how dependent I had become on my hair and the length, texture or style of it. I didn't like feeling different. See, with my straight relaxed hair, it was easier to blend in. I didn't want anyone to think I was the poster child for the "Afrocentric movement"! No! I chose to go natural so why was I feeling this way. The day after, I went and put my hair in braids!



One time as I was reading, I wondered out loud why every other person in or race in this world seem to wear their hair the way they were born with except for people of African descent. I do understand that during the time of slavery, a countless number of evil was done against black women because of their hair.(That's an entry for another day) I do understand the reason why some do not ever want to be associated with "nappy" hair based on that history.

Growing up, I did not have any relaxer in my hair until I was in 5th or 6th grade. I remember my mama used to wear her hair in an afro for quite a while until she got a relaxer at some point. It doesn't bother me at all to see people with relaxed hair, by the way:)I just don't think anyone has the right to tell another person with natural hair to put a relaxer in just because they don't think nappy hair is acceptable.

Just this past weekend, I emailed a couple of my friends and my sisters some pictures of my hair journey and frankly, I received some really positive feedback. Not that any of the feedback would have changed my mind. My friend R. told me that wearing natural hairstyles at her workplace was a taboo! Really? I was so shocked that in Ghana, an African country, anyone would have the audacity to say you can not wear your hair the way God made it. I was furious but really what can I do about such a rule. I do not own the company!

For me, this experience has become almost spiritual! and I say that with much caution. I put a picture on facebook with my natural hairdo which I enjoyed for quite a few days. In my subconscious I am wondering if I played with it too much on purpose just so I could have an excuse to go and put braids in.(because they started coming undone after touching it like a millions times!)Anyways back to the spiritual experience. I was laying in bed and all of a sudden I could not sleep anymore 'cos I was freaking out again about the fact that I was not more accepting of my hair and how I looked with it. If God did not think it was good, why did he give me hair like that?

I felt like I was being ungrateful and this could apply to many aspects of our lives. For me, my hair journey has become an exercise of confidence in who God made me to be. It has become a journey of self acceptance and discovery. I am not there yet. I still struggle sometimes with how to treat my hair since I never really learned how to but I will get there eventually. I am watching what I put in this body given to me by my maker. I want to be a good steward without being obsessive about the creation.I do not want the focus or the praise...all I want to do is be a representation of His glory!

In Sickness and In Health, Through the good and the bad and the downright ugly!

I am laying in bed just reminicsing on the past year and a half. I feel like the days have gone by so quickly and I wish I could have made more of some of those days. I have no regrets though because it has all been a growing experience. Yesterday, I asked my husband "are you the man I married?" and his response "no I am better than the man you married, I am a grown version". How insightful!

I remember the days following our return from Ghana when I would be so upset because I could not work. Oh and at the time, we still had quite a bit of money so all I wanted to do was satisfy my addiction to shop.(Glad to report that I am on my way to being cured!...hehehe...I have a weakness for shoes)Not working has put my priorities in perspective and made me realize that even though I need to take care of myself and my family, there are lots of people less fortunate than I am and I need to be more thankful and grateful. Someday, I hope I will be able to bless and empower people so much so that my name will be synonymous with blessing!

Ok, I totally went off on a tangent there because this is supposed to be my valentine's day entry! I have thought about all the things that people encounter in their relationships and I have come to the conclusion that when you are saying your marriage vows, you should pay attention to each and every word you speak. They carry a lot of weight and therefore should not be taken lightly. I can say that we are going through part of the "the bad times" because we are living on one income and nobody knows about the nights when all we had was each other to hold on to. There have been times during this economic disaster when we did not know if Thomas would still have a job the next day. During those times we could hardly sleep and would ask each other "are you sleeping" from time to time. However, it is on some of those nights that we realized we were living the words in our vows that were difficult to imagine.

Again, no one knows how he brings me breakfast in bed on the weekends or how he steals glances at me when I am dressing up. Some of my happiest moments are when he would walk behind me so silently and tickle my belly till I can't scream anymore. And even though sometimes I pretend to hate it,I love it with all my heart!

I am not cynical about valentine's day, neither do I think it should be celebrated as if it was a holiday. I think especially for married couples with kids, it is an opportunity to reconnect because of the daily grind. For me it is a day of reflecting on my growth in love or stagnation and doing something about it. The teddy bears,chocolate, flowers, cards, jewelery is all nice but what is left when all that is gone? What will you celebrate if you can not afford all that?

My 26

1. I really enjoy nature…Rainbows, sunshine, changing leaves, beautiful sunsets all make me really emotional.
2. I am very much in love with my husband and I still get butterflies when he kisses me.
3. I miss my family like crazy and sometimes I wonder if we have missed out on growing up together
4. I am very proud of my sisters and love them all very much
5. My mum is an amazing woman who has made a lot of sacrifices in her life for her family
6. My family has never been rich or remotely well off. We have always lived moderately but we all love to look good!
7. My life is a story of God’s grace and abundant love and faithfulness
8. I think about God a lot and my thoughts are usually about God and how I can affect His kingdom
9. I am an extrovert once you get to know me but I can come off a little standoffish and uninteresting when you don’t know me.
10. I love food and I love cooking. My husband is a lucky man!
11. I miss working at the hospital and talking to my patients about their lives
12. I tend to have a little bit of a social anxiety at times. Sometimes, I don’t feel confident at all especially in social situations
13. I have few friends or people I call on a regular basis outside of my family
14. I consider my sisters my very best friends. I never really had a “best friend” before except for Janetta who has always been there for me :)
15. I love singing and worship music is my favorite.
16. I can not stand it when people try too hard to be something they are not.
17. I have never had Mac’N’Cheese
18. Sometimes I don’t know what I am doing in America
19. My dad is one of my favorite persons ever
20. I enjoy my devotions with my hubby
21. It makes me very happy to know that my parents are proud of me even though my accomplishments are not of epic proportions
22. It irks me when people look down on Africans or other ethnic minorities
23. Kind words and even innocent compliments from strangers bring tears to my eyes.
24. I Like shoes…a lot
25. I get a warm fuzzy feeling when someone tells me they are praying for me. It is one of my favorite things ever!
26. I love volunteering. It keeps me humble and grateful

Longest day

Well, here I was thinking I was going to be a better blogger this year and I have not accomplished that so far. Well it is still the beginning of the year yet. I woke up really early this morning.Well early for me since I am unemployed. I had an appointment at my doctor's office for a little infection my body is trying to fight. I was supposed to be there at 8:50am but got there at 9:00am due to an accident on I-96. I also had a hair appointment at 10:00am but I had left the hair extensions at home so I had to drive back home and get those and finally made it to the salon at about 10:30. Man, I hate wasting gas! That means I did not fill my prescription for the antibiotic as I was supposed to.

It took forever for my hair to be done. I do like the people who do my hair. They are funny and it is interesting to hear them speak thir Liberian English. However, I wish they would not talk so loudly sometimes and talk on the phone a lot. At times I seeth a little but don't show it. I also wish they knew how to handle nappy hair better instead of pulling it and combing from the base up. Black people need to learn how to take care of our nappy hair better. Drives me nuts sometimes but they are the only good place I know around here. They are really nice people though!!!...Oh well, can't have it all can you? So after like 6 hours, the hair was still not done.(Mind you, I have super nappy hair and it is very thick)I had to leave for rehearsal so I drove all the way back to Grandville to make it just in time. I grabbed a double cheese burger and a coke on my way. I haven't had a McDonalds in ages! I don't like meat a whole lot(especially beef!)

So anyways, rehearsals was done by 8:45 and I went back to Grand Rapids(Eastern and Burton) to finish getting my hair done. Anyways, long story short, it seemed like such a long day! Even though I spoke to Thomas(my hubby) a lot on the phone, I feel like I hardly saw him today and I missed him a lot. I need to learn to manage my time better and always be ontime or right intime to places because I really do not appreciate when people waste my time. I hope I can get my prescription for the antibiotic filled tomorrow. There is a lot on my mind right now. I guess there always is. I will have to keep my word and blog about them later. Adios! Vivir la buena vida!!!(Bye! Live the good life)

Resolute resolutions

New year's eve always gets me really excited. I don't know what it is about the last day of the year that just puts me in a good mood. Usually, I would get very sad and broody or super excited depending on whether it has been a good year or not. NYE 2008 was not that much different except it I was not in Ghana with my whole family, I did not get the usual hug ad kisses from my folks. We didn't pray accross the year or sing and dance around for the first couple of minutes of the year. I missed my family but I was very happy and content with my hubby.

We finally got around to watching our wedding video which amidst complaints of the cameraman's inexperience, still made us reminicse about how much we enjoyed our wedding day... and then got to doing what married people do!!! We did not really talk about any new years resolutions. I am just so thankful to be alive and to still be in love that I just want to be in the moment. Which brings me to the reason why I wanted to write this entry. I have never really followed any resolutions I've ever made so I stopped making them. What really is the point if no change will made? I guess to an extent, it does provide you with some kind of goal to achieve or does it?

So another new year is here. This time just like last year, I don't have any lengthy list of resolutions.
I am going to be better at being myself,
I am going to form genuine friendships,
I am going to worry less if I can help it,...

The rest is x-rated and intended for my journal. I should probably add pretend to be trying to have a baby. Now that just got a chuckle out of me. I feel like I am so not ready yet. Anyways, each day at a time right. I need to remember to just live in the here and now.
AFEHYIA PA OOO!!!(HAPPY NEW YEAR)

1st Anniversary! Thank God!

So it has been a year since our church wedding on December 29, 2007! I am so thankful to God for seeing us through. It has really been amazing and I have loved all of it. It has been so wonderful to watch my husband grow in his faith and become this awesome and thoughtful person. I couldn't ask for more. Hopefully, the next year will be even better than we are hoping for.

We had a pretty great Christmas holidays! The Boahenes' wedding was awesome. It was fun to see how happy most people were. There was no major glitch and the couple looked really happy which made everyone enjoy it. It kind of made me miss our wedding. So much fun!

This evening, we are planning on doing dinner, then coming home to watch our wedding video 'cos we haven't seen it since the wedding. We are planning on an amazing vacation sometime during the year and I am really looking forward to that too.

Another year, More grace!

So I turned twenty six today! That's a pretty huge milestone to me! I am no longer good old 25. 25 was a good age to be. I didn't feel too old telling people my age and some were always fairly surprised to hear that I was 25. Now, I don't know if I should feel different or not. I am not upset to have grown a year older...after all I had a whole year to prep for the number 26.

I remember teasing my husband about turning 27 and being in his late 20's...now I am so close and there's no turning back. I woke up this morning with feelings of gratitude and thankfulness. My hubby made me a delicious breakfast!Bless his heart!(I loove when he makes me breakfast.) Anywho, church was great with a continuation of the sermon on John Wesley. I skipped lunch 'cos I was still full from breakfast. Awesome, huh? B and I just watched a bit of TV as I sat waiting for Amma and Pearl to come over. Dinner was at the Bistro Bella Vita. Awesome place!

I never thought getting older could make me feel a little insecure but deep down, it kind of makes me wonder about what I am doing with my life and if it is worth while at all. This whole year has been a year of uncertainty and fear of the unknown. I am working on being that confident young woman I was when I was much younger. On some days, it is great and on others, I am not so sure. I wonder where it comes from though because I was always enouraged to be my best. Don't get me wrong, I can be very outgoing but being outgoing does not necessarily make one confident.

Thomas is really awesome when it comes to encouraging me. It makes me happy to know that the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with, is interested in my well being and wants me to be my very best! So anyways, I cut most of my perm off...I still have a few strand of relaxed hair that I just want gone! My stylist lock twisted it for me but it took much courage for me to rock it in public. I thought I was going to pass out but so far I haven't died and my husband still thinks I'm hot! That helps... but I wanna look my best for myself and for him so I'll eventually rock the 'Fro...but as at now, it aint for me... or is it? It may be true that I am not really my hair(India Arie) but a woman's hair sure is her glory!...

alls well... maybe not?...why not?

Uhm...so I am having a pretty good day. The thing with me is, I believe the less you complain about things and appreciate what you have, the better your outlook on life. Anytime people as me "how is married life?", my answer is mostly that it is awesome! It is great! I can't complain. Today, a friend asked me if there was nothing I would change. My question is, why do I have to change anything? Why can't I just be having an amazing time as it is? I think whenever I give a positive answer, some people get the impression that I am living in an unreal owrld, in a bubble or painting a happy picture.

Truth is, I am trully happy. We are not perfect beings but we are not trying to make each other perfect or be the perfect little couple. People need to get it out of their heads that marriage is this terrible thing that you should wait forever before getting into. As I always say, it is what you make it. It is custom made and there's no one recipe for the greatest marriage. No matter what, you do you and try your best for the other person and things will turn out great. We do have our ups and downs but the Ups outweigh the downs by a great percentage... and I am not going to complain about what my husband did the other day to people who don't understand the contest of whatever happened that day.

So go ahead, ask me again. So far, so great. I am LOVING IT! Sex life is awesome!, communication is good, spiritual life-we're working on it, family life- can't complain...God's been good!

long time...

So it's been a minute since I wrote on here!...Not very good huh? Anyways, I've been pretty good. Still going through each day and hoping to make the most of it. Seriously, I need to maybe clean more and cook more. I love cooking but I realized that the smell of meat kind of makes me sick. I've cut down on how much beef I eat and I'm eating a lot more fish(Tilapia). I still can not get Thomas to eat any mutton(goat meat)...He can not stand the smell or the taste of it.

So the woes of immigration stuff continues... I still have to wait for all that paper work to be done and it has been like what, 20 months already? Yeah. Anywayss, I told myself I would not complain because I am learning to be still and know that God is in control. It gets a little frustrating though because I am not used to being "still".

By the way, I've done a little better lately with the work outs. Pretty rewarding I guess. There is so much that I really want to write but I start writing and then I get tired of trying to remember all that I want to write. I need to get back to school and get back in the mood for writing. Maybe I should take a creative writing class to get that going.

So I have not sung in ages! Well not really Ages because I did sing on December 30,2007, the day after my wedding at church. I must say I was pretty nervous about singing at Benita's wedding but my hubby said it was great and I totally respect his opinion!

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