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Sunday, July 19, 2009

One Life Stand!

Here comes the Bride, there goes her friends! (I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, But everything changes and my friends seem to scatter,But I think it's about forgiveness,Forgiveness. Even if, even if you don't love me anymore... Written by Mike Campbell, Don Henley and J. D. Souther)
I was reading someones blog the other day (sorry I forgot who) and she was lamenting over the thought that her married friends do not hang out anymore after the nuptials. This was not taken lightly on her part. I felt quite sad for her and could almost feel the pain and passion with which she was writing. It was almost as if she had lost her best friend or several other friends to the "marital status". Her thought was you will need your friends when so and so messes up and you have no one to talk to. "Aha!" I thought, why are you setting her up to fail even before she starts her journey?

I know this has crossed the mind of many single people with married friends but my question is " has anyone thought about the fact that these two people are assuming new roles and need time to adjust to them before making demands of them?" When people get married they shed the boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance/fiancee persona for a new one (husband/wife) which requires a lot of getting used to. After all, you have been single all your life and have had a lot of practice at being your single self.

I was telling my dad that the reason I don't think the hubby and I need to have kids at least for a year and a half to two years after getting married is because we need to get to know each other in these new roles as well as adjust to it individually before subjecting anyone else to it. I know in most African communities, it is expected that 9 months after getting married, the baby will arrive! Yikes! That's the route my sister went and I suppose it is a matter of personal preference but I honestly would have been a little overwhelmed. Thank God I have a family that does not pressure me about having children!... my two year period is almost up though...:)

So if you're reading this and you have some married friends, please take a chill pill. I have plenty in my medicine cabinet. Give your married friends a break. They need a little time to just be Mr. and Mrs. I pointed out to a fellow blogger that the Bible does say (in 1 Corinthians 7:28) that "But those who marry will face many troubles in this life,... so please in addition to all their worldly troubles, don't add yours as a friend. Go on your knees and say a prayer for them from time to time and during the ceremony, do take your vow as a friend seriously! Someday, they will need you for sure and whether they have been in touch constantly or not, you took a vow, to be there for them as a friend so be there! They are in a new profession and they are learning on the job. That's my excuse as a married woman :)