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Monday, January 24, 2011

love-o-meter

I know a couple who struggled for 8 years to have a baby and I also know of another who got pregnant 3 months into their marriage without much planning at all. Now I know that each of these parents are very excited about their baby and they show them off proudly to family and friends. I have been wondering if the level of love for each is different though. After all the first couple had to struggle for 8 years. I can imagine the stress, the uncertainty and possible ridicule whether obvious or not, that they had to endure.

Does that mean the second couple love their baby any less? They might have had to process the implication of having a child right after getting married and the implication of that on their newly established home. Would that put a strain on their marriage and as such on their relationship with their child?

I guess in essence, I am trying to figure out if the amount of love, care and attention given to each child is affected by the circumstances or the environment of the parent prior to their birth. Just wondering :)

10 comments:

Maid of Heart said...

Yes, the circumstance and environment of the couple prior to giving birth does affect how the child is raise but NOT whether the child is loved more than the other.

Every child is unique and EVERY parent would love their child whether they waited 8 months or 8 years. Circumstances may make them treat them differently like a young working couple as opposed to a much older, financially comfortable couple.

I've heard that even mad women fiercely care for and protect their children.

I waited 12 years for mine and I admit she's a little spoilt. lol. But I wouldn't have loved her any less if she came 12 years early.

Maxine said...

MOH- Thanks! This is the kind of expert opinion I've been looking for :)

Sankofa said...

I completely agree! I would never expect somebody to love a child more or less depending on how hard their struggle to conceive was. A human being is a human being and it's a blessing to be able to bring one into this world, no matter how long it takes!

Jaycee said...

I agree w/ MOH's expert opinion. Definitely.

Maxine said...

hmmm, I wonder though MOH, would you still spoil her that much if she was the third or fourth child and unplanned? Would it have made a difference? Would she think mummy loves me just like "child number 1" who showed up 12 years into the marriage?

Kwegyirba said...

A friend of mine had an 'unplanned' child at 17, whom she now loves to bits. So I guess I agree with the other ladies. A baby is a baby. If you love him/her, you just do.

Yankeenaijababe said...

@Maxine

How are you doing girl? I think it all depends on the couple, but am doubting if the love would be less or any more, knowing most parents adore their kids and would do anything for them always.

prettykay said...

I agree with MOH, but can't help but wonder whether an unplanned child will be loved all the same.

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Maid of Heart said...

Maxine,

Spoiling a child depends on the on the disposition of the parents. Some practice 'tough love' while some simply go with the flow so what some consider to be spoiling may not necessarily be the same for others.

I'd be more interested in exploring her uniqueness and steer her in the direction of her destiny; with boundaries, of course.

It's hard to tell but I think I will cherish every child I carry in my womb and very possibly love those I don't physically birth.

I'm considering adoption in the near future even with my own.

Maxine said...

@ prettykay- thanks. I aways wonder too...

@MOH- Adption sounds great. Will have to revisit this with you someday then :)