The Burden of Representing...

Have you ever experienced role conflict to the point where you need a new name for role strain? Have you ever felt like you need to represent everywhere you go? Case scenario: you start a new job and you're the only black/white/asian/middle eastern/christian/young/old etc person in there. Everyday is a struggle to wake up, find your work gear and get your behind to work. Everyone has prejudices and stereotypes and so you feel the need to represent all black people whether African American, Caribbean or African. In that work place you have become the black person. In certain places you might feel the need to represent all women or all men depending on your gender.

I sometimes wonder if anyone has felt like that before. I remember back in college when they would talk about issues concerning Africa or black people in general and I'd feel like a million eyes were on me. I always felt like I had to push myself extra hard because I was the only dark skinned girl in a class of 60 students. Should I have been stressed out?

Growing up I was the pastor's kid and you know "you gotta represent!" You can't be like any of the "other" kids and throw a tantrum when you can't get your way. No marm, that is absolutely not acceptable. You had to be on your best behavior everywhere you went. No wonder some PK's (pastors kids) eventually cracked open and it was not a pretty site when they did!

Right now, I still am the single black female in a certain role. I see myself as older and wiser and don't feel the pressure to represent anyone but myself and ofcourse to bring glory to my maker. There are times when I feel the burden of representing everyone of the groups or roles which I associate myself with but at least now I understand that to be my best or for a certain defined role to bring out the best in me is not so bad after all :)

brainless

A tweet by Rick Warren went like this: Some people are so open-minded their brains fall out! I laughed for almost a minute as I tried to visualize opening up your mind and having your precious brain escape out of that insane asylum! I have a very active imagination. Almost every sentence I hear conjures up images in my mind. It is quite a blessing most of the time. Anyways, back to the initial tweet.

Is our society becoming too open minded that we embrace any and everything in the spirit of being the most understanding, the worldliest or the most learned? I sometimes wonder if half the things we accept are as a result of wanting to fit into today's world. We all know the world is fast becoming a global village but is this globalization costing us our values and morals?

Of course I want to be open minded. Actually, I am open minded but in the way that I want to love and serve without restraint and not compromise who I am. I know that in doing so, I allow others to influence me as well but I hope that in my contact with others, I would leave  a lasting and profound impression.

My favorite book says that everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. In every single act you engage in, make sure you limit your freedom so that another person's freedom is not infringed on. As I've stated before, your freedom ends where another's begin.

So go ahead and be open minded but be careful you don't lose your brain or yet still that another's brain jumps into the space left! After all, garbage in, garbage out! Word!

excitement

As the title reads, I am way too excited to blog! My parents have been here since the 3rd and it has been such a blessed time! They rock my world absolutely! I have been reminded of His grace and mercies! The lyrics of this song sums up what I'm feeling! Thank You Lord!

I’m running back to your promises one more time,
Lord that’s all I can hold on to,
 I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you.


Before a heartache can ever touch my life,
 it has to go through Your hands,
 And even though I keep asking why,
 I keep asking why.

No matter what, I’m gonna love You,
No matter what I’m gonna need You,
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,
I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.

When I’m stuck and there’s nothing else by myself,
 I’m just sitting in silence,
There’s no way I can make it without Your help, I won’t even try it.
I know You have Your reasons for everything, so I will keep believing,
 Whatever I might be feeling, God you are my hope, and you will be my strength,

Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s OK if You don’t,
I’m not here for those things, the touch of Your love is enough on its own,
No matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You

Kerrie Roberts =)

Discontent is the remedy to greatness

I get a little emotional sometimes. Okay, that is an understatement. I get majorly emotional when I feel like I am being treated unfairly. But that's just it. Feelings! They come and go and change our whole perspective on everything in life. I used to believe in people's ability to be and act fairly but I stopped a little while ago. People will always act in their own interest to the detriment of other people's interests. But as the saying goes, your freedom ends where another person's begin. So in exercising our freedom, we must be careful that we do not step on other people's toes.

I have come to realize without a doubt that my God is the only constant in this life! That is such a blessed assurance! I feel quite discontent in a certain area of my life. Without this discontent, I can imagine that I will be stuck here for a long time but thank God for it. I pray that I burn no bridges in the process because I might need those bridges someday! Quietly and patiently trying to forge a way forward :)

the expert jerk

Huff and puff

To show your arrogance
Scream loud and long
To display your ignorance

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was just thinking about high school and all the mean and cool people who influenced my life there. If you went to boarding school in Ghana or somewhere else in the world, then you possibly experienced the kind of hazing that is popular in these settings. Some people may argue that it was meant to toughen us up. That may be true in a sense but it used to bug me when people in a higher grade would just be blatantly mean!

The thing is, after high school when everyone is all grown up and doing their own thing, these people tend to think they can just all of a sudden become friends with you! AAARRRGGHHHHH! It kind of makes me mad you know. No you meanie, I don't want to be friends with you!...he he... It makes me even "madder" when they add you on facebook like you were their long lost buddy! Uhm...get lost, you jerk face! Sometimes I want to remind them of how mean they used to be you know. I guess at some point they probably realize it is much better to be a nicer person in life. If you used to be a meanie in high school, shame on you! lol

Temporary Visitor~

So if you read this blog you probably know that I moved down south. Anyways, I recently changed my license plate and my drivers license to that of the State I'm in. My driver's license came back and I was amused and pained to see that it was a vertical license!Yikes! Vertical License with Temporary Visitor stamped in red and also includes the date when your legal status will expire! Do I even need a passport anymore? lol...

People were outraged by the laws of Arizona but the silent ones in Texas are equally if not more outrageous! Another reminder that I do not belong in this place and will therefore be treated like a second class citizen everywhere I go. I have started bracing myself for the questions to follow whenever anyone asks me about my license. Recently, when I was in Michigan, a sales associate asked how my stay in the States was going so far. Temporary Visitor after living on this land for freaking 8 years? How long did it take 'em to get rid of the American Indians who were occupying the place before they took over? mmmcheeewww...lol

It is apparently supposed to help stop terrorism and illegal immigration but who told these people that the target group will be deterred? I am just sick of answering these stupid questions about where I am from. I guess my consolation is that next time anyone asks me where I am from again, the answer will be "the little country that kicked your behinds outta the world cup 2 times in a row"...lol... Can you tell I'm bitter? Just hormones I tell you, hormones!

Facebook shenanigans

Every now and then something on facebook pushes me to the edge and I just want to close my account but I always realize that in doing so, I am allowing an external force to determine my behaviour. I decided to remain proactive and not reactive to everything around me so I have kept that account but every now and then I clean house! I usually get rid of the people who are negative, quarrelsome and disrespectful to me and my ideals.

Just this morning one such person was hating on another for getting somewhere in their eduction and mocking them for taking so long to where they are! Really? Since when did trying to get ahead in life become a crime? When are black people going to stop with the PHD(Pull Him/Her Down) syndrome? I was utterly disgusted.

May each of us find the courage and the grace to support others who are far better than us. We have to learn to be content with our lot because someone will always be prettier, faster, smarter, taller and way better than we are!

My Love Your Love

I'm sure we all have that someone we just can not wait to talk to when s#!+ hits the ceiling. For me, I first say a calm little prayer to my Father who knows all my needs and then call the hubby! I need to find other people to unload on! hehe... I am thankful for my love and his words of wisdom every single time I feel like acting a little unchristian. Thanks Honey!

Your love is pure
Your love is precious
Your love is all I need
Your love surrounds me
Your love astounds me
Your love is everything

I run to You
When my heart is weak
I cling to You You’re all I seek
It’s my heart’s desire to be close to You
Here in Your arms I find my strength

Everything I want everything I hope in
(You're)Everything my heart cries out for

by Kari Jobe

You there

I try, all day long
To sit and reminisce
On all you do for me


I try, every single moment
To express the gratitude
That's overflowing in my heart

I try, to understand you
To feel you entirely,
I'll be content with who you are

I try, but not hard enough
To make it all known
But I have not lived long enough

Puzzle, fuzzle, buzzle

Thoughts in a puddle
Love the sinner, loathe the sin
How do you identify the sinner
It says "by their deeds, ye shall know 'em"

Is that what He did when he loved me first?
Identified me, loved me all the same
In spite of my questionable identity
My telltale sins did not hinder Him

Love the sinner, loathe the sins
I've been left a great example
I'm struggling to do exactly that
But the deeds overwhelm at times