The road to motherhood

I am well on my way and there's a lot to pack for this trip; or so I have been told. There are all kinds of books, advice from people from all manners of life but of course as usual, it is a customized trip and mine might be different from the next person's even though the experience might be similar. I've had mixed feelings ranging from happy to downright depressed but through it all, I've learned to take each day at a time.

So yes, I am on the the road to motherhood. My destination might be expected or unexpected and mine, what a wonderful delight that would be! We will find out in about 4-7 weeks! Oh how the time flies! Truth be told, it scares me at times but if God has entrusted me with this then I am willing to learn and do my best.

must have a had a big lunch! hehe

ps: I just realized that parenthood is a perfectly great way to ruin or build a persons life from scratch!

Willful

She walks around like a ghostly figure
Wishing for her own demise
No desire to live her life to the fullest
As if it was by mistake that she happened upon this earth

She pushes her life to the limit
Wishing death to claim her if he may
But even that request falls on deaf ears
For death has no claim over her life

What makes such a person lose all hope
To cease to exist in this lifetime
If only I could take a peak into her brain
Perhaps I might gain some understanding

Likely a vague insight into her being
A fleeting wish to live, maybe
For now I'll treat her with empathy
This shadowy figure might retreat no more

My Joy is Crank!

Who are these people
These self made gods
The so called authority in their fields
Laughable miniature gods

Who gave them this power
To make these utterances
As if they came into being by their will
Annoying know it alls

What I hear makes me cringe
What they say render me almost faithless
But I've been there and through that
These creatures haven't experienced my joy

Look by sight and it is overwhelming
The darkness engulfing my very being
Look by faith and all is calm
The Sun warming my very core

Status Posts

I was going through my facebook news feed the other day and liking and smiling or laughing out loud at which ever hilarious ones caught my attention and then it dawned on me "many of these people have very inspirational status updates!". Just the other day I went through these updates again and realized that people are quick to update when whatever they have read that morning be it on www.rbc.org or what other website is perceived to be for their neighbor and not them! For instance, one such update read "Gossip ends at a wise person's ear". Now you can be sure a great number of people had this update forgetting that if they themselves do not gossip others will not bring it to their doorstep!

I wonder why people don't include the updates which talk about reaching out and witnessing to others or living in such a way that your life becomes a living testimony of God's grace. Just a thought :-)

Forget Me Not

I began to wallow in this deep dark feeling
I blamed, I cursed, I saw no end
No silver lining, no light at the end of the tunnel
If it was there, I sure was missing it
Probably because I was wallowing in this deep dark feeling

I always thought I was one to come out of it
Unscathed or perhaps with a few scars to show
I didn't think I would be the walking advertisement,
The very poster child of this ingratitude
An ingrate in the making, as if nothing good had ever happened to me

I felt overtaken, overshadowed by my unbelief
Then I begun to see a glimmer of hope
Out of the darkness came my light
Aha! what a little hopeful thought can do
My heart felt free from and my spirit begun to soar

Again I begun to remember all that He said;
I will never leave you nor forsake you
Do not be consumed by anxiety
Each day has enough worry of it's own
Baby steps, one day at a time

Now I am not wallowing
There are days when those fleeting thoughts intrude
There are sunny days dotted with clouds overhead
But I will not wallow in that place
I am not alone, He's there and He's not going away!

Stuck On You

I must confess that I am going through a period of writer's block again. I have run out of things to share with my readers and it really bothers me to no end :-? Sorry folks! I think my problem is that I do not want to disappoint myself with mediocre and offensive writing. Anybody going through a moment like this?

The past week was pretty depressing for me and I finally fell completely apart a couple days ago after talking to my dad. He is absolutely the sweetest person and he always speaks encouraging and affirmative words to me. It made me sad to look at people's photos and see them together with their families. A part of me longed for that period in my life when my whole family was together and the nostalgia just overwhelmed me.

I feel a lot better now but as I wistfully wished for better family connections, it made me realize that I missed being in close proximity to my "friends" as well. Distance and different experiences have drawn some of us apart but if you have been a friend to me in the past or presently, thank you! It does mean the world to me :) Have a great week y'all!

Wonder

On track, off track
Somewhere in between
Choices, engagements
Plans to be made
Decisions arrived at without much thought
Right ones, wrong ones
The die is cast
Any more options?
How will events proceed?
I know not, but I can not
Forget who's in it with me
Never alone, anxiety relieved
Standing here in and on His promises

My Ransom

In Christ alone, who took on flesh, fullness of God in helpless Babe!This gift of love and righteousness, scorned by the ones He came to save.‘Til on the cross as Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied.For ev’ry sin on Him was laid; here in the death of Christ I live.

It's that time of the year again and I am remembering the turmoil that Christ must have endured inwardly in coming to the decision to die for my ransom. It gets me every time I think about it. This single act in history holds so much mystery to it and I am drawn to it like a moth to a flame! Thank you Jesus for dying in my place. Thank you that the chastisement that brought me peace was laid upon you!

Easter is not about candy :p Have a reflective weekend on the sweetness of His grace!

gossip, kokonsa, chisme ...

... Gossip is an evil thing, much unhappiness it brings. If you can't say something nice, don't talk at all is my advice ... (Not sure who the original author is)

I learned the words of this chorus back in Junior high and I still remember it to this day. It really changed my outlook on a lot of so called "discussions". One of my friend's status on facebook the other day was "if you stay long enough to hear negative and malicious things about someone, what makes you think the same won't be going on behind you?

I don't want to focus on the malicious aspect of gossip alone. I realize that by making the previous statement it implies that some aspect of gossip is good. Is that true at all? Does it mean then that if what is being said is "nice", then it is alright? Hmmm, just wondering.

stuff that drive me nuts!

The week has just begun and already I feel like the weight of the world is resting on my tiny shoulders. I am not going through anything per se but I have just heard bad news from a couple friends, some random strangers and sometimes you can't help but share in the burden of others. But again, I refuse to let that keep me from screaming and shouting "Thank You, Jesus" for your loving kindness and for your steadfast love!

I am once again reminded of God's love just as the Psalmist(David) wrote in Psalm 124. I suppose at times it is very difficult to accept what is and continue to give thanks as well but how soon we forget about all the other good things that have come our way. Some of us have developed a complex because we think we are entitled to "good-ness" in life and others deserve what they get. Who the heck are we to think that way?

I pray each of us will be reminded of God's grace through this week when we are tempted to lament and cuss under our breadth when we feel like life has been unfair in one way or the other. God Bless!