Journey to the South

I'm southward bound

My heart is doing somersaults in my chest
My mind is in chaos

My emotions know not which persona to take

I'm southward bound

I should, logically and realistically be glad

My home is going to be far away

'Cos he can not come with me yet

I'm southward bound

My heart is going to be left behind

'Cos that's where my home is

Will I ever call you home again?

I'm southward bound

I may not know what you will bring me

I may learn to love you

But never like my beloved home

ps:

Some of you may know that I have not worked for the past 2 years. Yep, have not been working a paid job since I got married but I got an offer in Texas! So I am beginning the long commute mentally and physically from Michigan, my beloved Michigan to Texas. I am apprehensive and anxious of what the future may hold for us but I trust that he who holds the future, already knows the plan He has for me! Please do keep the hubby and I in your prayers! Hopefully, I will bring you adventures from the southside!

~Birthday Thoughts~

Restless mind,

Wondering heart,

Choices to make,

Decisions unmade,

Another year is here,

Don't feel a day older!

Spiritually and personally,

Felt like I was 3 a while ago

Today, I feel 21

Hopefully, I look 18!

Whatever number I may be today,

I hope I made some impact in that time!

Another year, more grace!

Can't wait to eat cake! whoop, whoop!

Incomplete Doc.

I sat up with a jolt

Light bulb came on suddenly
A moment of realization
"I am a work in progress"


Was wondering what perfection was
Why it seems humanly impossible
To attain the unattainable
To be perfect in every sense of the word


Like a poem without a perfect ending
Like an essay to be submitted for a grade
I need constant editing
"I am a work in progress"

Epiphany at long last
I have been Saved!
Just as I do my typed work
Saved for constant editing


My "aha!" moment finally
Someday, the final work will be presented
Then, the work will be complete
Until then, I remain saved!

Copyright ©2009 Maxine Mosley Totoe

The Fragrance left on the Heel that Crushed the Flowers!

My friend had a quote on her facebook status and this is what it said: All the water in the world, however hard it tried, could never sink a ship unless it got inside. All the hardships of this world, might wear you pretty thin, but they won't hurt you, one least bit...unless you let them in. (Anonymous)

Isn't that so true? I tend to think of forgiveness or unforgiveness in the same way. In a way not forgiving others can eat at you so much that it can leave you very bitter and and pessimistic about everything in life. It is a struggle to come to that point where you want to forgive people of the hurt and pain they cause you. When you hold on so tightly to whatever memory of wrong doing the other party might have invoked, it is like extra baggage and you will project it on to new relationships and experiences in your life instead of looking at things in a different light.

As the years go by, I have come to realize that the decision to forgive is not an easy one especially if there is a constant reminder of the hurt that was caused. When you decide to get to that point, it will be like the callus that has formed on the wound over the years will slowly start to peel away, layer by layer. It might not be an instant thing; the memory may not disappear suddenly but at least you will be doing yourself a big favor! As I always say, you can not be drinking poison and expect another person to die from the venom. I pray you all have an amazing week and the beginning of fall will bring to you a new beginning in your life as well. Blessings!

Brightens My Face

This was supposed to be an entry for my thankful Thursday but I forgot to publish it so here goes. I hardly ever read Habakkuk. Actually just pronouncing it gets me in giggles and bouts of snickering. However, one of my favorite passages ever is :

Habakkuk 3:17-19

17 Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls,

18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

he enables me to go on the heights.

We all know how to show gratitude when something good comes our way or when we meet good fortune but to honestly be thankful in spite of adversity and in the middle of calamity, now that is the mark of a truly grateful heart.

Thanks for Your grace which keeps me humble and accepting of whatever comes my way!

Full Circle

Part of the link in the chain is broken,
Part of the piece that held this fragile bond is gone
She always called me "MINE", her token
And rightfully so 'cos mama named me after her
I always viewed her with awe
Amazed at her depth of insight and lore,
At the command of respect from all
Her name may not be known to all
Yet she remains one of the very best in my world
It was time for your appointment with Him
When it is time for ours, the lights will dim
Broken will be our earthly cord
The links in this chain will be restored

For my Beloved Grandmother !

September Answers- You asked, I'm spilling...

Andrea had three questions for me

1. What made me start blogging

I have always loved journaling! It is a sort of outlet for me to express myself and to think through things without overreacting. When I was much a younger it helped me communicate my thoughts and feelings to my mother and it helped us forge a better relationship. I used to have a personal website a while ago but it disappeared(sob) due to inactivity after I started college. I am usually not afraid to say what is on my mind but over the years I have learned that there needs to be some form of decorum at times so though I still keep a personal journal(which is more about my journey as a wife now), I decided to start an online journal too because my little mind is constantly working and it helps to get some feedback on your thoughts :)

2. What are your strengths and weaknesses

Very thought provoking question, I must say. One of my strengths is unspeakable joy. I am joyful always. I may not be happy all the time but I have this inner peace and joy which keeps me sane and lets me know that no matter what, things will be alright. I suppose you could say I get that from my faith. I am also very passionate about serving and giving without expecting anything in return. I am very friendly and will go out of my way to make strangers comfortable. As a nurse, being a great advocate is one of my strongest suits too. I am very empathetic as well.

Weaknesses: I can get sidetracked sometimes especially when it comes to sticking to the plan. I will take the scenic route over the shortest or practical route. I have blind trust in people. I can be pretty blunt without intending to hurt peoples feelings. Shoes are a weakness too:( I would buy a pair of shoes over getting a good jacket to keep warm in the winter! It is that bad. I am on my way to a cure though.(whoo hooo) I tend to be emotional too :( I blame it on my hormones :)

3. What did you mean by do not copy when you put the picture of your sisters up? Do people do that?

Yes, people do copy pictures just like you can get images from google images. People can use your pictures on their websites or blogs too. I don't mind if it is just mine but I would rather people ask before they do that :)

Bursting

Have you ever felt like there's so much you want to write that you end up not writing at all? That's how I feel right now. Been wanting to just let it all out but I can't for the life of me figure out what to write first. Time to make a list I suppose!

FOR MAMA!

I did not know how to talk to you

So I left my diary for you

I used to wonder if you loved me

'Cos you always chided me

My young mind thought it was hatred

But you wanted to keep my heart sacred

I like how you used to pray over me

And gently admonish me

Now I'm a lot older

I hope I am definitely wiser

If only I could be, MAMA,

Half the woman you are!

I'm doing it!

(Image courtesy Forever21.com)

I shy away from politricks(tics) because I do believe that most politicians will say anything to get elected. It has however come to my realization that majority of the people protesting these healthcare reforms have no idea what socialism actually means. And even if they do, they refuse to acknowledge that some of our social institutions e.g public school system, roads etc are socialist ideals. What gets to me the most is the hypocritical behavior of certain Christians who claim they do not want the government to take their money to help the poor!!!

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Wow, what happened to letting mercy rule over justice? It makes my heart heavy to see that some Christians take God's grace for granted. We pretend as if we are so deserving of God's grace and others are not. We act like it is by our doing and our efforts that we obtained God's grace which is free for ALL! Maybe I am not getting it but isn't our focus supposed to be on God's word and doesn't his word say "whatsoever you do to the least of these, you have done unto me"(Matthew 25:40) So why are people opposing healthcare for all?

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I was so alarmed to hear that pastor claim that if someone took a gun and shot Obama, it would not be murder! I am gravely sorry for the people who attend his church. If a doctor gets in trouble for giving the wrong medication, then a preacher should be in a worst situation for putting anyone's soul in danger! We're talking eternal damnation here!

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So yes I did, I went there. If Christians understood the grace which saved them while they were still in their filth, they should be acting better and being gracious to others too! Lord ha' mercy!

Slap in the Face

So I said a prayer for you tonight
Through the hurt and the pain and tears
I said a prayer for you
I asked him to keep you safe
To keep what He's given you safe
To enfold  you in His care

It was the only way I could ease my pain

The one way I knew how to deal with it

Without pity but with empathy

Realized I have this habit

Of putting much importance on my value in friendships

I tend to think of my friends as my family
And almost expect them to behave as such
I've made that mistake several times
But I am yet to learn from it
So to me, you're still my sister friend
And I'm asking Him to give me the strength
To be there for you, to be your shoulder to lean on

I'll say another prayer soon
Hoping that He's watching over you and I
Hanging on to past memories of joy
Obliterating every bitterness from my heart
Do not want to add to your disappointment
Do not want to add to your insecuirty
So I'll keep saying those prayers
Sending warm thoughts and hugs
To you and yours